Akatsuki odd jobs
by xxJeff-The-Emo-Rockxx
Summary: The akatsuki is losing money and they need to take on odd jobs to get more. How will the Akatsuki surive with out their precious money? Read and find out. Rated M for not to graphic stuff but still it's there.
1. The terrible being

1I'm sorry for those of you who have read my Akatsuki kids story but it got banned because of the first few chapters so I'm making up a new story in replace of that and in the end every one was going to become super stars and no one would ever here from them again.

Akatsuki Odd Jobs

The terrible being

"Every one to my office stat" was the only thing heard from the intercom in the Akatsuki head quarters other than foot steps of 9 people. As all nine Akatsuki members filed in to there leaders office many questions went through there heads like "am I going to be kicked out." or "Is he going to tell us he is really a play boy bunny and not an evil master mind." Or the most common." the floor is really sticky." If any one of them said that out loud they would get the comment "I just came." right away.

"Why the fuck are we here?"a man with slicked back hair screamed at there leader.

"Well we have been losing funding..." Before he could finish his sentence a masked from what seemed to the water fall village fell to the ground from the loss of money.

"**Foooooooooooooooooood**!!!" could be heard from the back of the by an ominous voice.

"Stop him we need Kakuzu." there leader commanded. Four akatsuki members tackled Zetsu ,as the other four tried to awaken there unconscious comrade.

"So what I was saying before I was interrupted is that we are losing funding and we must take on odd jobs every week. For our first Job we are going to be substitute teachers at Konaha High." informed Pein before he took a sip of his french vanilla latte.

"Bull shit Im not teaching no snobby little fuckers. And I don't got no teaching licence" Hidan protested.

"Oh but you do I had Itachi get me some right Itachi." pein said in a calm tone

Itachi only nodded and looked at him with a blank glare.

"Tobi is a good boy so Tobi doesn't want to pretend to be something Tobi isn't. Tobi stated.

"On no one cares yeah."Deidara screamed at him.

"Every one shut up so I can tell you what class your teaching." Pein screamed. Every one shut up and listened to him for they did not want to piss him off. "I put these to your best capabilities. Hidan you are teaching History seeing you are 257 years old tell them about that stuff. Deidara you are teaching art major 1. Sasori you are teaching art major 2" Pein read of the list. Deiadaras jaw dropped open seeing he was teachin art 1 and sasori was teaching 2.

"That is no fair I am more of a skilled artist that he is I should be art major 2 and he should be 1 yeah." protested Deidara.

'"Ya right you wouldn't know art if it bit you on the ass" Sasori told him. But befor Deidara could come back with something rude Pein stepped in "Art major 1 is working with clay and 2 is puppets, get it got it good. Now Kakuzu seeing you are good with money you shale be the economics teacher and all that good stuff. Itachi your science cause I don't feel like doing any thing else with you. Kisame you will be teaching gym seeing how you're so athletic your blue skin is a skin dieses called sharkyoitis. Zetsu you will be with flowers ,you have a tumor on your face witch is the veins fly trap thing on your head, you're bipolar and you were contacts to make your eyes yellow. Oh and you like to paint also that is why your tumor is green and your face is different colors. Konan you will be the secretary and Im the principal. Tobi um math you also have a tumor that takes up most if your face and your left eye so you were a mask to hide your face. Every one under stand good now leave" Pein screamed as he took another sip of his latte. "This is going to be a baaaaaaaaad week." he told him self.

The end sorry its so short but its only the beginning I'll have a new chapter up I don't know mabey next week. Reveiw please I love people thoughts thank you and good bye.


	2. Getting ready

1**Oh dear good I know I haven't updated in forever but I was waiting for more reviews and well now I have them.**

It was Monday morning and every one in the Akastuki was up and about doing there daily things. Itachi, Deidara, and Hidan were taking up the bathroom like usual, making them selves look presentable to their classes. Hidan was gelling his hair to perfection, Deidara was straitening his, and Itachi was working on his pony tail which had to be perfect or he wasn't a true Uchiha.

"Deidara-sempai hurry up Tobi has to peeeeeee." wailed Tobi from out side the bathroom.

"I don't care un. I'm making the only art that won't be gone in a moment. My beautiful hair hm." replied the blonde as he finished straitening his hair and began to pony tail it. Itachi had finished his and was now putting in eye drops. The sadistic one of the three had ran out of gel and was going through cabinets for his moose. (Yes he uses moose)

Itachi had just finished his eye drops and walked out of the bathroom. Zetsu rushed in before any one else could. He too had a daily bathroom thing he did each day, but just not as lengthy as the other three members. Zetsus black side grabbed a rather large tooth brush and heavy duty tooth paste. Pouring the paste on to the brush he brought it to his mouth and scrubbed out all the human meat from the previous day. Once finishing this process he gelled his green locks up into a nice spiky style.

The plant man then walked out of the bathroom leaving Deidara and Hidan. Tobi then ran in and ripped down his pj pants reveling is member. The priest eye grew huge among seeing it.

"Its orange." he murmured.

"And black." Deidara finished all three of his jaws dropping.

Hidan and Deidara then grabbed what they needed and ran into Konans room for she was the only one who had a mirror in her room. The paper woman was ready and in the kitchen so the had no fear of getting caught. In there they finished the daily duties and went to get dressed for there days work.

It was now seven in the morning and every one was ready for there day at work. Hidan was wearing a button up shirt with the top three buttons undone showing of the top of his built body. Deidara was in jeans and a 'got Christ?' T with Jesus giving you a thumbs up. Zetsu along with Sasori, Pein, Kakuzu, and Itachi was wearing a suit. Kisame with a blue sweat suit, it complimented his skin quite nicely. Konan was in a women suit and Tobi was wearing a navy blue polo with dress pants.

"Is every one ready?" Pein asked in a stern voice.

"Yes." every one called back.

"Did we all use the vacillates?" he asked with a sigh.

"Itachi then started to walk towards the bathrooms.

"Dear Jashin in heaven." Hidan muttered slapping himself in the forehead.

Kakuzu smiled at Hidans impatience and giggled to him self. _'Silly little Hidan your so cute when your mad._' he though to him self but the quickly shaking the idea away from himself feeling his pants tighten just the slightest bit.

Itachi had returned from the bathroom and Pein asked if any one else had to use the toilet. No one moved so he then grabbed the van keys and pointed towards the door. The rest of the Akatsuki shuffled to the small door way trying to get out so they could get a window seat in the cramped van.

Kisame got there first thus claiming shot gun next to Pein. Tobi ran to the trunk were he enjoyed sitting and Hidan got his seat behind the drivers because he had carved weird things into the window and the arm rest. Konan, Itachi and Deidara got in the second row of seats and Sasori sat in the other seat next to Hidan behind the passenger. Zetsu on the other hand had a drivers listens and he came out of the garage in a large black hummer.

Pein had started the car and Kisames was fishing through the radio stations till his favorite song came on. The fish like man started to sing 'The sailor song' by Toy Box. Hidan secretly mouthed the words to the song while looking out the window and flipping of the passing by drivers and the high scholars on their way to school. Sasori and Deidra had gotten into another fight about art while Itachi and Konan had a staring contest that would probably never end. Tobi was watching this contest like it was the last two minuets the season finally from his favorite show "Desperate House Wives" .

We're here." Pein grumbled as he parked the car in the schools parking lot Zetsu following behind him..

To be continued

**Muhahahahaha I'm sorry I had to. But I will work on it more I swear. The next chapter will probably be about just the first day and then the next will be a summary of the week then to there next job. I don't know what that is yet but I would love suggestions for the next three chapters. Also if I use yours I will put up your name and thank you for the suggestion.**


	3. Eye lasers and locker room sex

1._. Do not hate me but I am terrible at up dateing stories but yeah here we gooooooo!

~Still at the base~

Kakuzu ran out of the Akatsuki base zipping up his pants, he had to take a wiz before they left so quickly ran to take it. Unluckily for him though no one noticed thus he was stuck behind stareing at an empty road ahead of him.

"Damn I bet this was Hidan's idea, he made them leave me behind so he could take MY seat and ruin my butt print in it with his scrawny boney little ass." Muttered the money whore. He decided spending money on a cab was pointless so hitch hiking would be just as fine. If he knew the horrors that faced him that day he would have spent the money on a cab but alas he is a stupid ass idiot.

~Itachi's class~

Itachi sat at his front desk staring blankly at a dead fly on his desk, he was testing a new theory. If you stared at something dead long enough would the electricity in your body go through your eye beams then shock the corpse bringing it back to life? This was some thing he was going to keep at if it took him all day.

The half blind Uchiha had not noticed class had started and all his student's were reminiscing around the room drinking deadly chemicals and walking on the ceiling singing there own version of the spider pig song. He was to interested in his fly to notice one of the students pee in the corner or the fact that the student who drank the chemicals was having a seizure while the other students poked him with sticks that magically appeared in his hand.

The entire class went on like that until the bell rang, at the exact second the ringing erupted from the loud speaker lightning blots shot from the Uchiha's eyes bringing the fly back to life. His red eye's widened in shock as the tinny fly flew away only to get eaten by a spider that magically glomped it through the air. This discovery shocked Itachi so much he grabbed one of his students snapped their neck and stared at their dead body on the ground.

His next class took no mind to the dead body at all or the fact that the teacher was just staring at it. They did not notice the fowl smell of piss or the other dead body in the back of the class that died of drinking a bubble bee milk shake. Why it was in the back of the class no one will know but they are very deadly and look alot like citric acid.

~Kisame's class~

Unlike Itachi he paid attention to his class but worked them like dogs. Conveniently the school had a swimming pool and all the students had their bathing suits in their lockers. He commanded that they get into their swimming suits and do laps around the pool. When all the students were dressed he called roll. During role call two students did not say here, this got him curious.

"Can some one please tell me why Naruto and Sasuke did not say here when I called there names?" asked the blue teacher. One of the other boys in the class raised his hand in the air frantically. Kisame pointed to him hoping he would get an answer to the mystery of the missing teens. The boy he called on had brown spiked hair and two red marks on his face he seemed hyper like a dog.

"Naruto looked at Sasuke's diddly wong and said it was nice then Sasuke asked if he wanted to suck it. Naruto said okay so now they are making woppey and doing it in the bunghollyoh in the locker room." Informed Kiba who was blushing.

Kisame stared at him in disgust, he could not believe what he was hearing. Two of his students were having sex in the locker room. But the moans and cries he heard confirmed his disbeliefs. "Ah um just ignore them and get into the pool. Do as many laps as you can till the bell rings." he commanded trying to block out the noises from the boys locker room. Before class ended the two students emerged from the locker room, hair messed up and sweaty with clothes askew.

"I was listening to you two in there since you didn't go swimming I have to grade you on your performance in there from what I heard. There seemed to be alot of moaning and name screaming so I'm guessing there were multiple climaxes. By the looks of it your still sweating so that means you went at it all period, it must have been quite good then am I right? I'm giving you two an B- for today but tomorrow I expect an A+. I want to here more moaning and name screaming so loud it brings other teachers in here. Also I didn't here either of you say faster, harder or deeper. You two seemed to be good at what you do but need some improvement. Work on it I want to see better results tomorrow, now go to your next class." Kisame told them as the bell rang. The two horny students left the gym/pool sweaty and excited for tomorrow.

~Kakuzu's class~

...... You don't wanna know what is going on in there.

~Hidan's class~

"Okay fucker listen up what happened back then was all a lie!" Hidan screamed as the students sat at their desks.

"I am Mr. Hidan but you shall call me Hidan the great and mighty conqueror. I will tell you what really happened back two hundred fifty seven years ago!" he yelled over the class. No one said a word so he continued.

"It's time to back to the age of the dinosaur ninjas! Yes I said the dinosaurs were ninja's they had villages and justu's just as we do today but they were dinosaurs! Well that's all really so go do what ever you want the rest of the period just don't bug me ya little shits." the overly zealous man said as he crawled under his desk and started screaming obscenities about monkey's and how they used banana's as dildo's

Sorry this is only part one. The whole Kisame thing has gotten me really horny so I'm gonna go read some hard core KakuHidan.

XD just kidding. Or am I?


	4. Sassafras and Seizurs

1Sigh okay here is part two of the first day. I had to get off last night and I wanted to submit some thing or else I never would.

~Tobi's class~

Unlike the rest of the Akatsuki people were learning in Tobi's class, but not exactly the students. Tobi in fact only knew how to do second grade math, so instead of the teacher teaching the students taught Tobi. It was a difficult task for he was easily distracted, once he even jumped out the window to chase a bird but the students managed to get him back, they were ninjas after all.

Once Tobi had been taught the rules it was time to get to work, which was also hard since he did not understand the concept of when you ad a number to another number you get a number not any thing you want it to be. For example they gave him the simplest addition problem they knew, two plus two, he answered Hidan and Deidara-sempai dancing in the rain under rainbow umbrellas singing guy love from scrubs. They tried a simpler problem, one plus one, he answered "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" The entire class was enfuriate by Tobi's answers so they taught him in a way he would under stand.

Deidara-senpai and Hidan are together in a room with one hundred dominos. Deidara says three sentence with five un's in each. For each 'un' he says Hidan shoves two domino's down is throat. How many dominos does Hidan shove down Deidara's throat? This was a simple scenario on of the students came up with. Tobi's answer was thirty, which oddly was right! Five un's multiplied by three sentence is fifteen un's times two dominos for every un is thirty domino's. For the rest of the class period they gave Tobi math problems with Deidara and Hidan in them, he got every single one right till they took out the names and it was back to insane answers. The students learned one thing that class, Mr Tobi only understands things that have to do with his Senpai.

~Zetsu's class~

This class was the worst of them all, no students survived his horrible wrath, not even Tinny Ten Ten who was cripple from dropping a knife on her leg severing it. The disaster started when a student insulted Zetsu's fly trap saying he looked like a freak. Zetsu being the nice man he is ignored it until the student threw a sassafras at him (sassafras is a tree get over it!). This enfuriate the plant man making him go on a feeding frenzy eating everything in sight. He even took the time so lap up every ounce of blood off the ground. When the class was over it seemed as though no students even entered the class, just some one tripped over a Sassafras tree.

~Pein's office~

Lets just say he found the Principles stash of Vodka and now he and Konan are getting frisky.

(Autor's Comment: what a horny horny school)

~Deidara's class~

The artist was beginning to believe he and Sasori were the only people in the world with artistic talents. All the students ended up making genitalia out of there clay or eating it. Only one student made some thing rather nice, it was a giant shark made by a student named Suigetsu. He reminded Deidara of some one he knew just could not place his finger on it., some one blue. But he loved the shark so much he decided to keep it and take it home to show it to the rest of the Akatsuki.

~Sasori's class~

Scratch Zetsu's class Sasori's was worse. He got bored so decided to put on a little Puppet show for all his students. Pulling a scroll out of his bag he summoned two puppets, mommy and daddy. The puppet show was quite entertaining till it got to the part where Daddy puppet started beating Mommy puppet and Sasori. Then it all went down hill, Sasori killed Daddy puppet while trying to save Mommy puppet who ended up dying any way. Then he turned Mommy and Daddy puppet in to puppets and went on a mass killing spree with Mommy and Daddy puppet killing all the mommy's and daddy's of Suna. This puppet show truamatized every student in the class room so much they all head seizures. It was worse then the Pokemon episode where every child that watched it had a seizure, much much worse.

Okay I know this is short but I decided not to put Kakuzu's adventure in here he's going to have his own chapter of miss hap and mayhem.

Read and Review! I love suggestions, I'm not sure what's going to happen to Kakuzu yet but I know a red neck is going to hit on him.

Also the next odd job they are going to is the Vet I got the idea from xXTSUKImono17Xx


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